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People assumed the meaning behind other people's words and actions.
People said something bad about it.
People hate other people based on their opinion.
People get hurt because of their own assumption.
People blame their sadness on the people they hate who actually have nothing to do with it.

Why some people do that?
How can they be so good at playing victim?

Sometimes you meet this kind of people when you least expected it.


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My Parent, My First Teacher


Katanya anak-anak ga akan ingat apa yang orangtua katakan pada mereka, tapi mereka akan ingat bagaimana orangtuanya bersikap. Hal ini mengingatkan aku pada orangtua-ku. mereka adalah guru pertamaku. 

Di dalam keluarga kami, tidak ada istilah laki-laki lebih diutamakan dari perempuan, ketika masyarakat masih percaya "laki-laki makan duluan, setelah mereka selesai baru perempuan boleh makan", di keluarga kami tidak pernah ada hal-hal yang seperti itu. Ibuku adalah ibu rumah tangga (bukan karna ayahku melarang bekerja) tapi ayahku membantu ibuku dalam pekerjaan rumah tangga, walaupun ayahku ga pernah masak, tapi dia membersihkan kamar mandi, bersihin halaman belakang, kadang-kadang cuci piring, bantuin ibuku bersihin ayam dan daging pas "meugang", beli ikan, bersihin ikan, cuma kadang-kadang bangeeet aku ngeliat ibuku bersihin ikan, itu juga kalo ikan kecil-kecil yang belinya di tukang ikan yang lewat2 depan rumah. abis shalat subuh, biasanya ibuku tidur lagi, bangun saat mau nyiapin sarapan. did my my dad blabber about it? of course no, because it's never been an issue.

Saat orang-orang menganggap istri harus menghargai dan menyenangkan hati suami, mereka lupa bahwa suami juga perlu menghargai dan menyenangkan hati istri. Ibuku ga bisa capek, jadi tiap kali abis bersihin rumah seharian, pasti malamnya badan sakit-sakit, terus ayahku yang mijitin ibuku. Apakah ibuku perempuan lemah lembut? tidak, she's far from that type of woman, ibuku adalah perempuan yang tegas dan berani mengeluarkan pendapatnya, she reads a lot and my dad respects her opinion, very much (my dad also reads a lot). Ayahku sangat menghargai ibuku, ga pernah sekalipun ayahku bilang masakan ibuku ga enak atau gosong atau kurang garam, atau apalah (mungkin karna emang ibuku jago masak dan masakannya selalu enak :p) kalo makan aku suka milih-milih gitu, ga suka sayur dan yang berkuah, kalo aku bilang ga suka makanannya, ayahku pasti langsung yang "enak ah.. coba dulu, bla bla bla.." padahal ibuku biasa aja, malah ayahku yang heboh nyuruh makan.

Orantua kami juga tidak pernah membeda-bedakan anak laki-laki dan anak perempuan, abangku ikut ngebantuin kami bersihin rumah sebelum lebaran, pasang gorden udah jadi tugas-nya. dan tidak ada istilah karena mereka anak laki-laki, jadi bajunya dicuciin dan disetrikain, semuanya sama aja, harus bertanggung jawab terhadap diri sendiri.

Dalam keluarga kami, aku melihat hal-hal yang seperti ini, kemudian ketika aku mulai keluar dan berada dalam masyarakat, aku melihat gimana laki-laki menganggap pekerjaan rumah tangga hanya pantas dilakukan oleh perempuan, gimana mereka menganggap perempuan tidak sepantasnya bekerja di luar rumah, tugasnya hanyalah menyenangkan hati suami. Ini ga hanya terjadi di Aceh, tapi di seluruh Indonesia. waktu aku les bahasa jerman di jakarta, gurunya ngasih tema untuk debat gitu tentang "perempuan bekerja", bisa dibilang mayoritas cowok yang ada di kelas itu menganggap perempuan seharusnya tidak bekerja, yang ada di kelas itu adalah lulusan Unsyiah yang akan kuliah master ke Jerman dan lulusan UGM dan UI. Beberapa alumni Unsyiah bilang "cewek sebaiknya di rumah aja, ngurus anak dan pekerjaan rumah tangga", salah satu alumni UI bilang, "laki-laki memiliki derajat yang lebih tinggi dari perempuan", wow, just wow! aku ga tau apakah itu bercanda atau ga, tapi bagi aku.. hal yang begini tidak pantas dijadikan bahan becandaan. Salah satu temen kuliah di jerman, anak indo juga (dulunya dia kuliah di UPH), bilang gini "istri tidak seharusnya memiliki pendapatan yang lebih tinggi dari suami.", ketika aku tanya kenapa, jawabannya "karna ego laki-laki.". again, wow! and i was like "you should deal with your ego!", Tidak ada yang salah saat mereka ingin mendapatkan istri 100% IRT yang dengan senang hati melakukan semua pekerjaan rumah tangga dan menuruti semua kata suami, well.. everybody has a type, tapi hal itu akan menjadi salah saat mereka menganggap bahwa semua perempuan harus seperti itu, karena perempuan juga punya passion, perempuan juga ingin mengaktualisasikan diri dalam masyarakat, perempuan juga punya mimpi. 

Sangat banyak ketidakadilan yang didapat oleh perempuan, perempuan seringkali tidak mendapat pendidikan yang layak (di daerah-daerah tertentu laki-laki lebih diutamakan untuk sekolah). Di beberapa tempat di pakistan, cewek tidak boleh ke mesjid. Ketika terjadi perkosaan, yang disalahkan adalah perempuan, karena perempuan berpakaian sexy, membuat laki-laki tidak bisa menahan nafsu. ketika yang diperkosa adalah perempuan berjilbab, mereka bilang, berarti ceweknya lagi apes. Bahkan saat bercanda, seringkali perempuan direndahkan.. ketika terjadi sexual assault di Cologne pas tahun baru, cowok indo yang kuliah di satu universitas denganku (beda jurusan) bilang gini "kalo si X suka tuh digituin", ya! mereka cuma becanda, dan ya! cewek ini juga ga bilang apa-apa, tapi apa pantas becanda kayak gini? one thing that i cannot do is being good friends with this kind of people, of course i can hangout with them sometimes, but not good friends, because i can't deal with their way of thinking and they can't deal with mine. in some cases, i'm too serious and thoughtful and they're just... too shallow.

Melihat alumni UI, UGM, UPH, alumni Unsyiah yang pintar secara akademik yang kemudian dapat beasiwa, mahasiswa-mahasiswa bachelor yang kuliah di luar negeri udah bertahun-tahun, masih memiliki cara berpikir yang seperti ini, membuat aku sadar bahwa nilai akademik yang tinggi, kuliah di universitas ternama, tinggal di luar negeri, tidak akan serta merta membuat seseorang itu menjadi cerdas dalam melihat permasalahan.

Di Indonesia yang tidak setuju dengan gender equality bukan cuma sebagian laki-laki, tapi juga perempuan (ga ngerti kenapa), sebagian orang berpendapat bahwa persetaraan gender memaksa perempuan untuk bekerja di luar rumah, memaksa perempuan untuk mendapat pendidikan yang tinggi. padahal tidak begitu.. kalau perempuan memilih untuk tidak bekerja, itu hak mereka, yang ditekankan disini adalah.. ketika mereka ingin bekerja, mereka memiliki kesempatan tersebut, tidak ada paksaan.

Aku pro #Heforshe bukan karna Emma Watson, aku pro gender equality bukan karena aku menganggap hal itu keren, tapi karna aku menganggap itulah yang seharusnya kita lakukan, tidak seharusnya peran perempuan dikerdilkan dalam masyarakat. gender equality atau feminism bukan tentang membenci laki-laki, bukan tentang tidak ingin diperlakukan sebagai perempuan, bukan tentang tidak ingin dimanja, bukan tentang menganggap laki-laki adalah makhluk brengsek. Gender equality adalah tentang perempuan memiliki hak untuk mendapat pendidikan yang setara dengan laki-laki, memiliki kesempatan yang sama dalam bidang sosial, ekonomi, politik dan mendapat gaji yang sama dengan laki-laki untuk pekerjaan yang sama, memiliki hak untuk mengejar cita-cita dan mimpi, tidak hanya memiliki hak untuk bersuara dan mengeluarkan pendapat, tapi juga memiliki hak untuk didengar selayaknya orang-orang mendengar pendapat laki-laki.

I think my mom and dad are feminists, even when they are not even aware of the existence the word feminism and they don't even know what it means being a feminist. my parent taught me about gender equality before it became popular, my parent didn't tell me women have equal rights to men and men have equal responsibilities to women, they simply showed me, it's not that i'm trying to be cool or trying to look like a heroine when i said i'm a feminist, that's just the only way that i know how to feel and think, that women should get equal opportunity as men, that women should not be silenced, women should not be viewed as a sex object. and when the society tells me the other way, i'm supposed to agree with it? of course i can't. and i won't!

Women's rights are human's rights, but some people keep closing their eyes, when they are proud of their ignorance, they will stick to their own idea, and there's nothing we can do about it. It's better to focus on whatever we can do rather than being distracted by them.

*no, i'm not angry. i'm just sick of these sexists*
*sexist isn't sexy*
*you know who's sexy? Justin Trudeau, Neil Gaiman, Benedict Cumberbatch, Andy Murray. They're guys and they're feminists. and if you think they're gay, they're not.*


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I saw some girls,
They're so nice and almost never say no to other people, smile a lot, always say something sweet, barely get angry. I do like this kind of people, it's just... i know i cannot be like them.

I saw some girls, 
They're so mean and harsh on other girls, judge a lot, not only in the real world but also on social media, and i realize i can never be that kind of girl.

I saw some girls,
I'm glad i can never ever be other types of girls but me. the more i understand myself, the more i don't want to change anything in me. 


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Falling in love with Germans


Sebagai orang Indonesia, kita selalu dibilang sebagai bangsa yang ramah dan murah senyum, tapi ketika melihat ada yang butuh bantuan, hanya ada sedikit orang yang mau membantu. Bertolak belakang dengan orang Jerman, yang katanya dingin, selalu cemberut, ga ramah, pemarah, dan lain-lain.. tapi ketika ada yang butuh bantuan (di jalan, di stasiun bus, di stasiun kereta) aku selalu melihat ada yang mau membantu.

Pertama kali nyampe di Jerman, aku dibantu oleh cewek-cewek usia belasan tahun (kalo di indonesia typical yang lagi gaul-gaulnya) untuk ngangkat koper isi 30kg pas naik kereta, terus nyampe di stasiun kereta di kota tempat aku tinggal, ada cewek yang ngasih tebengan diantar ke rumah, karna udah jam 12 malam, kayaknya dia kasian ngeliat aku dengan koper segede itu. Aku juga pernah ngeliat cewek yang lari-lari untuk pencet tombol pintu kereta buat orang lain, kalo ga.. keretanya keburu jalan dan si orang ini harus nunggu kereta selanjutnya, pernah juga ngeliat ibu-ibu dan bapak-bapak yang bantuin seorang ibu dengan kereta bayi pas lagi turun tangga.

Terus, ada juga nenek-nenek yang ngasih uang ke temenku.. waktu itu dia belum dapat Student Card (semester ticket), jadi kalo naik bus biasanya bisa nunjukin LOA aja, tapi itu juga tergantung supir bus-nya. Pas hari itu supir busnya ga mau, tetep kekeuh kalo temenku ini harus bayar, akhirnya dia bayar.. terus nenek yang ada di bus itu marah ke supirnya dan dia ngasih uang ke temenku buat gantiin ongkos bus tadi, dikasihnya lebih lagi, hehe..

Pernah juga pas aku naik bus waktu pindahan, ada anak SD (cowok)  yang nawarin tempat duduk ke aku.. katanya "möchten Sie sitzen?" sambil dianya berdiri, terus aku senyum dan bilang "Nein, danke.", terus dia duduk lagi. sumpah ga nyangka anak SD bisa sepeduli ini ke orang yang dia ga kenal.

Yang aku suka.. hal-hal kayak gini udah jadi hal yang biasa bagi mereka, itu bukan sesuatu yang wah lagi, dari anak kecil sampai orang tua bersikap saling membantu. remaja-remaja nya juga kayak gitu, mereka haha hihi, tapi gitu ngeliat ada yang butuh bantuan, langsung dibantu..

Dan.. Anak-anaknya juga mandiri banget, masih SD udah naik kereta dan bus sendirian (bus umum, bukan bus sekolah), mungkin karna tingkat kriminalitasnya rendah ya, jadi orangtuanya ga harus antar jemput anak.

Mereka juga disiplin, bukan hanya dalam hal kerjaan.. tapi juga di kegiatan sehari-hari, kayak naik turun kereta dan bus. kalo di Spanyol, Belanda, Prancis (baru ke Paris doank sih), kalo kita mau turun kereta.. pasti tabrak-tabrakan sama orang yang mau naik, tapi kalo di Jerman, yang mau naik biasanya nunggu di samping, ngasih jalan buat orang yang mau turun dulu, setelah semuanya keluar.. baru deh mereka naik. 

Orang Jerman patuh banget sama lampu lalu lintas dan kalo kita mau nyebrang di tempat penyebrangan yang ga ada lampu lalu lintasnya (di tempat ini pejalan kaki boleh nyebrang kapan aja), yang naik mobil pasti bakalan berhenti, kadang-kadang atau sering malah.. kita masih 2 meter lagi ke tempat penyebrangan, mereka udah berhenti duluan. Nah di negara-negara yang aku sebutin tadi.. rata-rata pada ga peduli sama lampu lalu lintas. Bukannya mau sombong, tapi gitu nyampe Paris, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Madrid, dll.. berasa pusiiing banget

Pastilah ya ga 100% masyarakat Jerman kayak gitu, tapi aku berani bilang mayoritasnya iya.

Banyak yang bilang orang jerman itu kaku, ga bisa melucu, ga tau gimana caranya bersenang-senang. Banyak orang yang ga suka dengan karakter orang Jerman, tapi aku bukan salah satunya.. aku bahkan jatuh cinta dengan karakter mereka.

Living in Germany makes me realize there are still some people out there who are willing to help other people (on the street, bus station, train station) who are completely strangers to them. German education system is difficult, like... very difficult, especially for those who get used to American system. But if i have an opportunity to choose all over again, i'd still choose Germany.

I always thought i was "i like books more than i like people" kind of person, but now i'm not so sure anymore.. sometimes people aren't that bad.

Sometimes I fall in love with people, with their character, with their kindness, with their thoughts.



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I haven't wrote anything since almost forever, and when i decided to post something.. it's just a quote by my favorite author. i love it, especially the last part.

You know what happens when you dream of falling?
Sometimes you wake up.
Sometimes the fall kills you.
And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.

(Neil Gaiman - The Sandman, Vol. 6: Fables and Reflections)


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I don't always have emotional changes when i got my period. But seems like i have it this month, seriously i hate it. I get sad and angry easily, i cry over something that's not even important. The only thing that i wanna do is listening to mellow songs (by singers i don't usually listen to) and  cuddle up with my teddy bear. I know i'm being silly, but still.. Gosh! can't believe myself.. 



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"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted"


When people don't care about other people, about society, I'm okay with that.. nobody can push anybody to care and help. But when they said "it's bullshit" to people who really want to help other people, I'm totally not okay with that. Not because i belong to this Unicef group at our university, but because there are a lot of people out there who really need help. 

Guy: "oh you're in that Unicef bullshit."
Me: "It's not bullshit."
Guy: "Yes it is."
Me: "No it's not."
Another guy: "Yes it is."
Me: "Well everybody has their own opinion."
Guy: "What do you do?"
Me: "We had presentations (spread the news, trying to make students care about social condition), and we collect donation."
Guy: "Where does the donation go to?"
Me: "To the kids."
Guy: "In Africa?"
Me: "No, in the refugee camps, but since you said it's bullshit, so.."
Guy: "Oh you're offended."
Me: "No!"

I don't know what he mean by "bullshit", helping children.. or children's sad condition. Seriously, i'm not offended by this. I get angry though, but not for me.. only because there are actually some people who really need help, there are a lot of refugees from Syria, they live in the camps, they don't get enough food, they don't get enough warm clothes for winter. and the kids, do you even see them? Do you even know about this condition? they are right in front of our eyes, and some people just ignore them and some others just hate them. 

I was kinda happy at the university today when i saw some students who actually care about society, only a few though, but still it was very nice to be around people who have the same vision with us. some of them focus on helping children, some focus on violence. And some people in my house think it's bullshit, wow! unbelievable! what do they know about life when they spend every cent of their money to buy some weeds? when they don't even bother to read news, or ask other students about the real situation in their country. I don't know if what we did today will help these people in need, I don't know if it will make any change. I'm still trying to stop complaining and start doing something.. whatever i can do. I always believe, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."



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It breaks my heart to see many wars around the world. it's just.. sometimes i didn't realize it, you know we have a lot of problems here, like.. poverty, gender equality, education, hunger, ebola, and else. With so many things going through my mind, I just didn't realize about a lot of other things, until my flatmate mention war in their country, i mean of course i know about war around the world, but i didn't know about the real situation, and it's actually really bad. 

What the hell problem with the politicians? people die there and they just don't care. you know what breaks my heart the most? They force 18 year old kids to join the army, of course it's okay if they want to, but it's not okay if they have to. I was crying when i wrote this post, I just couldn't help myself. I mean, what the hell? these kids should study, they should go to college, not going to some fucking war. It's 21st century, but actually we're just like going back to world war II situation. It's really fucked up. You see something bad happen, but you can't do anything.


*I know 18 year olds are considered adults by the law, but prepare them to go to war?*



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I don't know why some people say something stupid, like..


Someone who I don't even know his name: "You wanna go to Radhaus tomorrow night? they play some rock music, we can be ourselves. I really hope I will see you there"
Me: "I'll think about it."

Really? actually I was just like.. "the thing is, I always be myself. I don't need some "rock party" to be myself."



Friend: "Do you have a boyfriend waiting for you in your country?"
Me: "Nope"
Friend: "You should get one here, in Germany."
Me: "Why should I?"
Friend: "Because you're so cool."

So, here's the theory.. I'm so freaking cool, that's why I need a boyfriend. Totally genius.



Friend: "Tell me a song that makes you cry because you feel like shit when you listen to it."
Me: "No song that makes me feel like shit."
Friend: "You're not normal."
Me: "I cry when I'm sad."
Friend: "Come on!!"
Me: "Seriously, I never feel like shit in my whole life. I love myself and I love my life."

Well, I'm not a saint, but seriously I never feel like shit.



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I don't drink alcohol, I drink coffee
I don't smoke (cigarette and weed)
I don't really like parties 
I like books (especially novels) more than I like people
I love movies and I can talk about them for hours
Fantasy and Sci-Fi are my favourite genres
If other girls love puppies, or cats, or other fluffy animals.. I love dragons and direwolves (but i do like rabbits tho and fox)
I fall in love with my music playlists
I'm an adult who still watch cartoons
I read manga and I watch anime
Batman is my beloved superhero
Some people said i'm cool and it was a nice thing to hear, but most of them were drunk or (and) high, so what's the point anyway?
I'm a huge fan of Karl Marx
I love talking with people who care about society, who have interesting point of view
I have a thing for cool nerd guys. The kind of guys who don't talk much, love to read, listen to good music, watch good movies and tv-series, watch cartoons, care about the world and society, open minded and smart, of course.


You think I'm lame? it's okay..
To be honest, I really don't care.



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it rained today.
i took a drive.
people get born.
people get high.
people get mail.
people get cancer.
people get lucky.
people get tests.
people get flowers.
people get jailed.
people get surprised.
people get shot.
people get trapped.
people get honored.
people get lost.
people get busy.
people get sainted.
people get abortions.
people get frustrated.
people get on with it. 

it rained today.
i took a drive.
i took this shot.
i didn't die.



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September is...

The beginning of my favourite season, Autumn.
The start of new semester at my favourite school, Hogwarts.
The title of one of my favorite songs.
The birthday of my favourite character in Harry Potter, Hermione Granger.
The birthday of two my favourite authors, Shel Silverstein and Roald Dahl.
And the birthday of my favourite person in the world, me.

September is... my favourite month of the year.



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IT'S GREAT


It's great to love good music, movies, and books.

It's great to have imagination and your very own wonderland.

It's great to be yourself.

It's great to have family who love you and you love very much.

It's great to have friends, not so many.. only a few, but they accept you for who you are without trying to analyze you or acting like they know about you more than you do.

It's great to get some sleep, plus some sleep, and some sleep.

It's great to live your life.

It's great to feel great.


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